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And when I heard he had reconciled with his wife, I learned that there are far more important things than the perception of “winning”.I was genuinely happy for him and the second chance they both found.You had too much going on during your divorce to possibly consider dating. This same script, I’m reminded, played out in the life of one of my favorite clients who fell in love with a separated man.Therefore, you seem to think all men should feel the same way. But you are correct in proceeding with a sense of caution. Not because he listed himself as divorced but is really separated. He gave a lot to her during their time together, but, when it got right down to it, he really needed to sow his oats for awhile.Even—and especially—if he wasn’t willing to admit it. I learned that age is not indicative of the actual place a person is in their life.While were close in years lived, we were lifetimes apart in terms of wants and desires and expectations. I was visiting my hometown for a weekend and he was visiting a local bar, thanks to the very persuasive powers of his friends and family.It took one phone call for him to tell me that he was in the middle of a divorce.
The exact quote was “if you’ve mourned, if you’ve healed, if you’ve made peace – then you’re ready whenever you say you’re ready.”Allow me to correct myself. I have a client who went out with a man who was separated. On the other hand, you’ve heard tales of men who went seamlessly from one relationship to another without a break.
He’s doing what’s practical not to scare people off.
The relationship might have been dead five years ago, but the paperwork is still pending. A man who says he’s ready to move on isn’t necessarily ready to move on. After all, he doesn’t even know if he is or if he isn’t.
But, most likely, because he’s still emotionally reeling from the death of his relationship. It’s not that he didn’t care about her; it’s that he wasn’t ready for another commitment so soon after declaring his bachelorhood….
I wrote about this extensively here, in a post called “When Do You Begin Dating Again After a Long-Term Relationship or Marriage? And you’re certainly not ready to love with reckless abandon. So, Sara, like most situations that stymie my readers, the answer isn’t as obvious as “dump him” or “go for it.” It depends on the man, the nature of his divorce, his emotional availability, and his ability to get in touch with himself.